Why women lose sex drive first, the brain, and why your confidence is nowhere to be found.
As my confidence, along with my awakened sexual desire rose over the past couple of weeks, I was diving more and more into any books, research papers I could find on serotonin in the brain, and how it affects so many highly correlated with the quality of life things – from sexual desires and sexiness we feel inside to smooth digestion and no more cravings for sweet and carby stuff, no more need for alcohol to relax (especially for the driven types), no more OCD, obsessing over the small things, or driven to pursue a goal even though it makes no sense in your life anymore, stubbornness for no good cause, getting into arguments with too many people, anxiety, worries, always seeing too many problems, too many flaws, and having your glass feeling empty, not full, too much pain and just that dark cloud that's always hiding the sun from you. It all has completely cleared, maybe for the first time in my life. I started to naturally enjoy the #smallthings, using that exact hashtag.
And you’d think my productivity and drive to achieve would go down, the proverbial edge high achievers are so afraid to lose often, not allowing ourselves to relax, but no, here I am, on Sunday, before 7 AM, writing, getting ready for my gym workout, then writing again, working on my new retreats and subscription-based content project, working on my client files. To my own surprise, I’m able to do the same amount of work and more, but at the same time for the first time in my life, it’s been easy for me to switch gears, celebrate the work in progress, compare myself based on actions taken, effort applied, not what others have or have achieved, it’s easier for me to let go off ideas that objectively don’t work, don't bring any value, and start testing out a bunch of other things.
I feel so good, confident, driven but also satisfied, enjoying it… happy?
I’ve been in nutrition/health/fitness/productivity and performance coaching for more than a decade now. And only now, diving deeper into neuroscience, I started seeing how all these tools we are taught to use - diet protocols, and exercise programs, are often so "disrespectful" to our brain's well-being, brain health, often designed in a way to yes, have us maintain a caloric deficit, fitness routines easier but at what cost? Screwed up hormones and neurotransmitters, neurohormones that keep us happy? Confident? Driven? Feeling zest for life? Feeling sexually active and attractive, giving us this special magnetism - you know, you meet those people (I feel I’m becoming one of those), and something about them just pulls you in, you want to be around them, and it doesn’t have anything to do with specific physical parameters, or facial features, or their bank account. And I start to understand why that all might be happening.
A happy, healthy brain changes our energy, it changes our vibrations (brain waves) quite literally, without you having to do a ton of affirmations – it just happens, because you do the right things to thrive, not just get skinny or have the abs. (We talked happy, sexy brain habits in our previous newsletter HERE).
SEROTONIN SEX AND CONFIDENCE
Our modern lifestyle and systems in our society are designed to abuse, to deplete that precious neurochemical without which happiness, sex and confidence are impossible.
We became indoor critters – this depletes serotonin.
We eat too many processed carbohydrates – this depletes serotonin.
When we decide to exercise, we pursue some crazy-ass, very stressful regimen - that also depletes serotonin. Exercise is only good until it becomes too stressful, and stress depletes serotonin. Physical stress is a very powerful stressor, if not applied with appropriate recovery protocols.
Alcohol, too much caffeine, or marijuana – might help you feel better in the moment, but just like with sweets and carbs – after a few brief moments of happy vibes your serotonin levels plummet.
Serotonin loves balance. Maybe that’s why sages have been talking about balance as a way to happiness for ages?
Too much stimulation of any kind drives dopamine up and serotonin down. – Might be good in the short run to get things done, but then it starts driving you insane, unable to let go, switch gears, celebrate, relax and find happiness.
On the cognitive side, too much comparison when we put ourselves down, when we see all the “bad” in other people, when we always, by default, notice problems, when we don’t express gratitude, or what we like in other people – all that also drives serotonin levels down. So giving other people compliments, trying to always mention something good about the person, or place, or a piece of work – it actually is very self-serving, you get to raise your serotonin levels and feel better too! That’s how gratitude works on a brain chemicals level.
Cooperation, trust, progress-not-perfection focused – it all depends on serotonin, serotonin that’s being depleted on a global level as we speak.
Meditation, mindfulness, yoga, gratitude practice – those are legitimate, science-backed ways to boost our serotonin, balance it out with overstimulated dopamine-driven tendencies that push us to do, be and have more, never truly satisfied with what is, what we have.
TRY THIS TO BOOST SEROTONIN
Here are a couple of useful tools I didn’t mention in the previous post on serotonin-boosting foods and essential habits (like light exposure, or eating Omega 3-rich fish).
From the data that I’ve analyzed, it seems that the best/safest supplement to try to boost serotonin levels is L-tryptophan, an amino acid naturally occurring in protein-rich foods (salmon, chicken, turkey, beef, pork, cheese and yogurt, eggs, pastured and wild animals have more). 500 mg in the afternoon, maybe another 500 mg in the early evening, as serotonin seems to be higher in the morning, declining later in the day. In some more advanced cases, introducing an additional 500 mg serving in the morning might be needed to fix that obsessiveness and dark cloud mode. Just make sure you don’t start experiencing anything weird, consult your doctor as needed. From my analysis, after all the essential practices mentioned in the previous post – that’s the safest way to boost your serotonin, your confidence, and sex drive with it. Turn that magnetism on - see where it takes you!
A note for women
(or men whose partners seem to have lost their sexual drive)
Take it seriously - practice consistently!
Serotonin imbalances in your body and brain, driven by your diet and lifestyle, might be the exact reason that you lost your life’s mojo and your charisma, that magnetically attracts people and opportunities to you. And don't you just want to feel good? Really GOOD, sexy about yourself and your life, sensual? It’s like somebody paints your life with all the bright colors again. You might even start getting into music, art, and cooking all of sudden – all of the sensual stuff that makes life so interesting, intriguing, and juicy!
It definitely did it for me in just a short couple of weeks!
(It might take you longer to see the progress, depending on your state of health and how fast and consistently you can implement all the new habits.)
So why do women lose sex drive first? Men produce about a third more serotonin AND, it seems, that women’s serotonin is much more “responsive” to different stressors.
NEXT WEEK: Paid subscribers ONLY - Productivity for Digital Nomads. Travel and get shit done. - The first chapter will be in your inbox! (And the first community Zoom call with all the advanced tips, sharing, and troubleshooting!) Don’t miss the fun out!
🙂THANK YOU FOR READING! DO GREAT THINGS.
Foundational neuroscience-backed routines for a 🧠productive, happy brain in my “Cancel Brain Fog” course. (New and now free on Udemy)